I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
