Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
