y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
