Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
