when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
