She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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