I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
