Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
