I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
