She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
