I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
