And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
