Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
