I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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