just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
