Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
