Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
