Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
