Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry ashashbrookelle hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

Fav 132 8850 1167
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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

Fav 17 5100 907
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(302): View more from Delaware

Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

Fav 2 2789 1167
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(631): View more from New York

Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?

Fav 6 1546 820
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(316): View more from Kansas

Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.

Fav 3 504 1032
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good

Fav 2 524 422
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit

Fav 0 911 567
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(+61): View more from Australia

i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit

Fav 0 23 39
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(516): View more from New York

I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.

Fav 0 6 38
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