Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.

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(573): View more from Missouri

i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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(402): View more from Nebraska

They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds

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(928): View more from Arizona

proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors

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(519): View more from Ontario

you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"

(1-519): View more from Ontario

no way

(519): View more from Ontario

that's when i decided you were gonna be okay

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(503): View more from Oregon

Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms

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