Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
