i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
