so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
