I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
