umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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