I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
