I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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