well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you never un-have a 4some
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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