I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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