Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
