Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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