White coat. Heels.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
