New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
