dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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