Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
