Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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