i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
