How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
