Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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