whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
