Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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