i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
