the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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