the condom got lost in my hair
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
