Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
