i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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