I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
