For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
