Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
