i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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