god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
