I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
