The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sarcasm needs its own font
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
