3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
