Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
