hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
