Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
