somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
