There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
