Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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