Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
