There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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