thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
