hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
