He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
