I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize