I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smell stomach acid.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
