I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
