Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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