Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
