Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
