you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
