I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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