someone threw a dead crab at me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
