She said her name was "party"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
