the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
