You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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