I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
