Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
