How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
