I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
