Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
