Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
