ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
