I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
