Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
